Eulogy: Presented at Rhys' funeral By Jennifer Wilson-Buttigieg, October 11, 2019
On behalf of Joan and Liam, I want to thank everyone for the generous outpouring of care and love shown to them, both this week and during Rhys’ recent hospital stay. The food, the visits, the shared memories; it all has helped more than anyone can know to carry them through this unimaginably painful time.
Rhys Timoney was proof that God still works miracles in this world. He lived for nearly two decades with a condition that was typically fatal within hours, if not certainly days, of his birth. Now, I’m not suggesting that this miracle happened in a vacuum. There were surgeons and doctors (notably Drs. Solo and Silver), other nurses and caregivers too numerous to name – all who played a vital role in saving and extending Rhys’ life. But to me, that does not diminish the miracle. In fact, I think it emphasizes it because I believe that the Lord led Joan and Liam to all those doctors, and that same Lord God also guided all those caregivers.
I consider myself blessed to have been a witness to this miracle. I was with the Timoney family on that day in June 2000 when Rhys Philip came into this world, and I was with them again a few days ago when Joan and Liam said, “Good night, Pet,” for the last time as Rhys left this world. I was there with them – as so many of us were – during the numerous, cutting-edge, future changing, medical treatments that Rhys underwent. But in between that first day and the last, my family and I were so truly fortunate to have shared countless memorable moments with Rhys, and with Joan, and with Liam.
Many of you know me as Timmy’s mom. If my son was Joan’s “first child” by virtue of having babysat for him as a toddler before Rhys’ birth, then I’ll admit, from time to time, I’ve thought that maybe I had a small, special claim on Rhys, too. But in thinking about what to say today, I’ve come to realize Rhys was never mine – or even Joan’s or Liam’s. From his first breath he was special – Rhys belonged to God.
Rhys made an enormous impact within his brief life. He was like that brightly shooting star in the night sky; if you were not looking at just the right time, or if the light was not just right, you missed it. Yet he touched so many people with his infectious smile, his hearty laugh, and his thoughtful acts of kindness.
Despite some of his physical limitations, Rhys could not help but find his way into the center of attention. Whenever Rhys was at Edo’s (that Hibachi style restaurant in Pelham), he would jump out of his seat each and every time to join in the train of employees that delivered their version of the Happy Birthday song. Not once or even twice, but every time – sometimes 10 or 12 times in one evening! And, I’m not sure he ever understood, or even cared, that the rest of us were not following him.
Similarly, a few years ago at the big Make-A- Wish gala in Manhattan, they had several Make-A-Wish kids on hand to help the audience better connect with the charity. As many of you know, Rhys was a Make-A-Wish child. But when the featured guest, the man who voiced Elmo, went to the stage, so did Rhys. It was as natural to him to step forward as if he was Ernie and this other guy was Burt. It was as if Rhys said to himself, “Elmo’s up there ... Where else would you expect me to be??”
Rhys was an interesting combination of being un-self-conscious (such as with Elmo) yet also very self-aware. He cared how he looked, how his clothes looked. He liked to dress well, and he noticed when others did not. Rhys often would say to Joan, “You look nice, Mom.” A simple compliment – direct and to the point. As we know, he enjoyed wearing all types of hats, whether a baseball cap (Yankees or Mets) or beret, to his furry Russian hat with side flaps and all. Rhys especially loved dressing up for Halloween with the Cooper Street Gang. If he liked it, he was comfortable and that was that.
Rhys was observant and funny, often very cleverly so. My husband, Brian, describes it this way: Although Rhys was fully, through- and-through, an American kid, as he grew up he was also clearly proud of his Irish roots. And, as was part of his Irish birthright, he was often very quick-witted, but never intentionally mean.
A brief example of what I mean: Rhys had been adopted by Alan, Benji, Mickey and his other buddies on the County Offaly football team. He was their mascot or water boy, though truthfully, he thought of himself more as the team’s manager! (And thank you to the team, who is so proudly serving as honor guard here today.) Some time ago, Rhys was talking with Mickey, the goalie of the team.
It’s important that I help set the stage. I’m told that while no one would describe Mickey as fat, he certainly is not skinny. Perhaps we could politely say he’s solid or stocky. I’m not into football, but I suspect he’s the size and strength of what you’d want a goalie to be. Anyway, Rhys looks him up and down and thinks this is obviously not the shape of a footballer for HIS team. Now, Rhys was never rude or mean, but he knew what he knew. So, instead, he merely asked, “So Buddy, you’re planning to hit the gym before the big game, right?” Message delivered!
He was the mayor on the hospital hallways and in the family alcoves; he greeted Ming, the postal carrier on Cooper Street, he waved in the morning to the sanitation workers, he knew the names of most people at his local haunts, from Rosie’s and Ciao’s to Rambling House and many others off McLean Avenue. He was considered a regular. He jumped right in. He engaged in conversations without hesitation.
As I mentioned, Rhys’ congenital heart disease meant he had been born with an undersized heart. But you wouldn’t know it by his character because he was unfailingly generous and big hearted. For instance, Joan could not get him to understand that he did not need to tip the people in the grocery store. She would say, “Sweetie, you don’t need to. It’s not expected.” But to that, Rhys replied, “I don’t care. When I grow up, I’m going to tip everyone.”
Words cannot express how we are going to miss you, Rhys. A great life, whether brief or long, can be judged by the lives they touch. Rhys was one of those people who profoundly touched my life. My life is better off for loving you, and I know many others can say the same.
Before I conclude, no remembrance of Rhys would be complete without taking the time to recognize and highlight the role of his parents. They were all together, they were a unit. The names Joan, Liam and Rhys string together as a single name for most of us like the “New York Yankees” does for others. Never one alone, but all three together.
Every life is a gift from God, but Joan and Liam understood that with his condition, he was fragile, and his time was that much more precious. Together and each in their own way, they were determined that his life would be blessed with the best things in life. And, I’m not talking about trinkets and toys; I’m talking about the important things, the things that truly make a life blessed. I’m talking about good friends and fun and interesting experiences. I’m talking about opportunities to eat out at Piper’s Kilt, Panera and Dave & Busters with the energy and excitement of being there as if each time was the first time. I’m talking about being by the pool, at the beach, or on the boardwalks on Long Island or down on the Jersey shore with Kathleen, Richie, Owen, Sean, Erin and Rita. I’m not even talking about the enormous pride Rhys took in hanging out on the golf course or hitting buckets of golf balls with his dad, who he almost always called Liam (just like another one of the guys). I’m talking about love!
Yes, doctors and medicine played a key role in Rhys’ longevity. But have no doubt that his parents played the starring role. Joan advocated for him with every doctor, at each appointment, whether it was with hospitals, schools, teachers or social workers. She learned their systems and their ways and was determined to make sure they took excellent care of her Rhys. In turn, wonderful, rich relationships formed with so many of them (but Nurse Mahoney, Mrs. Ortiz and Rodriguez were surely among his favorites). For a woman who could barely stand to take my toddler to the pediatrician for a fear of needles, in the end, she didn’t leave the hospital for weeks at a time. Love for their child – care for their child – was the sole focus of their lives.
These two wonderful people now need us. They need to feel our love as much – and as surely – as Rhys felt their love. And not just today, or this week or this month, but for the long haul. They need to be able to rely on us to be there for them when the house is otherwise too quiet and the days otherwise too empty.
We need to pray for and with Joan and Liam. We need to be present, even sitting in silence or listening when the time is right.
How does Joan... how does Liam... how do we go on? I’m not sure anyone really knows how you go on from a loss like this. But I believe Rhys’ life offers us the clues: They are love and laughter; friends and fellowship; compassion and connecting; grace and grit.
And, just as Rhys himself showed us, we will again need God to work his miracles.
The family asks that friends consider making a donation in Rhys' memory to the Congenital Heart Center at New York-Presbyterian Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital. http://give.nyp.org/goto/Rhys_Timoney
Calling Hours: 4 to 8 pm, Thursday, October 10, 2019
Mass: 12 noon, Friday, October 11, 2019 at St. Barnabas Church, Bronx, NY
In Lieu of Flowers Contributions may be made in Rhys' Memory to Congenital Heart Center at New York-Presbyterian Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital http://give.nyp.org/goto/Rhys_Timoney
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Previous Russell, Julita Ann
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Eunice Ford- Carrick says
October 7, 2019 at 9:06 pmMy deepest condolences. May he Rest In Peace and May he rest softly.. My heart goes out to both of you.
Tess Mulleady says
October 7, 2019 at 10:41 pmLiam and Joan
We are heartbroken to hear of the loss of your beautiful boy. Sending all our love and prayers. Xx
Hilary and Kevin Kelly says
October 8, 2019 at 1:37 amWe are so sorry to hear of Rhys passing
Our prayers and thoughts are with you at this sad and difficult time
Rest In Peace Rhys
Paddy, Aileen, Laoise, Erin & Daire says
October 8, 2019 at 1:37 pmFly high our special angel. We will love you and miss you forever xxxxx
Ali Heffer says
October 8, 2019 at 1:51 pmRhys always brightened up the child life center whenever he was in the hospital. I will always remember Rhys walking the halls in his poop emoji slippers. My heart is with you all. Sweet dreams Rhys
Barbara Pearsall says
October 8, 2019 at 2:03 pmI am so sorry to hear of Rhys’ passing. He was a ray of sunshine for all who knew him. We are better people because Rhys was in our lives. May you find comfort in your memories. You have my sincerest sympathies.
Sharon & Aoibhéann Geraghty Ireland says
October 8, 2019 at 2:34 pmJoan & Liam we are so sorry to hear of Rhys’s passing please know our thoughts & prayers are with you over the coming days
Rest in peaceful peace Rhys a fine brave young man
Charlie, Mary, Brendan and Rorie says
October 9, 2019 at 1:50 amWe are so heartbroken. We love you Rhys and will miss you so much. Fly high Superman. xxxxxx
Paul Coll says
October 8, 2019 at 2:47 pmMy deepest sympathy to Liam and Joan and Rhys’s family and friends. Will always remember him as a happy young man who brought a smile to all around him. May he Rest in Peace
Sinead burns says
October 8, 2019 at 2:58 pmAbsolutely devastating news …. and no words can describe how special Rhys was and how many hearts he touched … Liam and Joan extremely so sorry for your lost ..
Mary Byrne and family says
October 8, 2019 at 11:10 pmMy sincere sympathy to Joan and liam
May he Rest In Peace
Miracle League of Westchester says
October 8, 2019 at 3:10 pmWe are so heartbroken and will always remember his amazing personality, Rhys would immediately put smiles on so many people the moment we saw him. He will always be remembered. Our condolences and prayers to the family.
Sinead,Ruairi,kayleigh,Ciara & Ava says
October 8, 2019 at 3:37 pmWe are devastated right now,.Cant believe our buddy is gone…..He wil never be forgotten from this house…He was the girls big bro for the last 4 years..All the fun we had on Cooper street…Laim & Joan stay strong…Rest in peace buddy..Xxxxx
Phil,Kieran,Fiona and Aoife says
October 8, 2019 at 4:26 pmJoan and Liam
So sorry to hear of passing of Rhys, our prayers and thoughts are with you at this difficult time.
Martin & Katie Furlong says
October 8, 2019 at 5:21 pmLiam & Joan, so sorry to hear of Rhys passing, our hearts go out to you both. Rhys was a huge friend of Offaly, Will be missed by all.
Irene Delaney says
October 8, 2019 at 6:17 pmHeart felt condolences to you Liam and Joan. He was a wonderful person. Take comfort in the huge legacy he left. Loved by all who were fortunate enough to meet and know him. He was a joy to talk to. A credit to you both. May he Rest In Peace. New York lost one of its shining stars.
Elizabeth Daly (Keegan) says
October 8, 2019 at 6:41 pmSo sorry Elizabeth & Cathal Daly Drumreilly Co.Leitrim ?
Phil, Kieran, Fiona & Aoife Kearney says
October 8, 2019 at 6:49 pmJoan and Liam, our prayers and thoughts are with you both at this time. So sorry about your loss. Rhys was a brave young man who touched all of us with his smile bright smile, sense of humor and wonderful personality. Our deepest sympathies are with you both.
Josie and steve Ralph says
October 8, 2019 at 7:34 pmSo sorry for your loss our prayers are with you at this very sad time rest in peace Rhys you are going to be missed very badly xx
Nuala Dooley says
October 9, 2019 at 1:10 amJoan and Liam. I’m so sorry to hear of yer loss. Love and prayers been sent. R.I.P Rhys. Your smile will light up Heaven now. Xxxxxx
Phil Evy, Ava,Jack & James Wickham says
October 10, 2019 at 1:29 pmSo Sorry for your loss, thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Rhys will be greatly missed.
Marie-Rose Klotz says
October 9, 2019 at 3:01 amSo sorry to hear this sad news. I’ll keep you in my prayers. RIP Rhys.
Donal and Rosaleen Keenan says
October 9, 2019 at 6:58 pmSo sorry to hear about Rhys RIP, he was a lovely lad. Met him every time we went to Cooper Street.
Charlena Bunche says
October 9, 2019 at 8:35 amI am so sorry to hear of your Great loss, My God be with you and your family. Those we hold closest to our hearts never truly leave us. they live on in the kindness they have shared and the love they brought into our lives. my deepest condolence to you.
Aidan & Erin Fleming, Haddon Two. NJ says
October 9, 2019 at 9:04 amOur deepest condolences, hoping that loving memories help to sustain you during this difficult time.
Tony O'Brien says
October 9, 2019 at 12:51 pmLiam.
I am very sorry to hear about your loss.
My deepest condolences to you and your family
Angela Maiello says
October 9, 2019 at 2:32 pmWe are so sorry for your loss. Our deepest condolences to your family and Rhys’ many friends at this difficult time. He will always be smiling down on you. RIP..
Angela M & Peter Cummins
Mairead de Jong (McNabola) says
October 9, 2019 at 4:17 pmJoan and Liam, my heartfelt sympathies to you both on your loss. I hope Rhys is at peace now and that the love and memories you shared help you through the coming days, months and years. Xxx
Roger and Caroline Fleming says
October 11, 2019 at 3:13 pmSo sorry to hear about your loss. Our deepest condolences to you and your family at this sad time ….
Doreen Como says
October 9, 2019 at 7:30 pmLiam and Joan,
I was saddened to hear about Rhys’s passing.
My deepest and sincerest condolences to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and may God Bless.you.
Michelle Rojas Gil says
October 9, 2019 at 10:02 pmMs. Joan, I was so shocked and deeply saddened to learn of Rhys’ passing. You both will always have a special place in my heart. Rhys for his unique personality and sense of humor, and you for being so kind and loving not only to me but to all of those around you. I pray for God to always be by your side to guide you and give you peace and strength. Love, Michelle Rojas (Rhys’ night shift nurse on 9C)
Carolyn Kyne says
October 10, 2019 at 3:34 pmDear Joan and Liam I have no words to ease your pain.I am very sorry to hear this sad news. It was a honour and a privilege to care for Rhys and I learnt from him and ye.He made a difference in this world and I will remember him always with a smile. Carolyn Kyne-Fitzpatrick RN-PICU ( from many years ago)
Richard Fortuniewicz says
October 10, 2019 at 3:41 pmMy condolences to your family.. iIt was a pleasure to get to know a great young man. Rhys will always be in our prayers.
The Fortuniewicz family
Niall and Vivienne Geraghty, Clare, Ireland says
October 10, 2019 at 5:18 pmJoan and Liam, we are both very sorry for your heartbreaking loss with the news of Rhys’ passing. May he rest in peace.
Shari Pierce says
October 11, 2019 at 6:29 pmPlease accept my sincere sympathy for your great loss. Every time I saw Rhys in the halls of YMA, he brought a smile to my face. He was such a kind, fun loving young man who left a positive impression on everyone he met. May you find comfort in knowing that he left a legacy of love and compassion. Sincerely, Shari Pierce
Caelan, Abigeal, Nathan, Martin & Jackie McGirl says
October 10, 2019 at 5:26 pmAbsolutely devastated……. heartbroken. Sending much love to Joan & Liam. Thanks for all the lovely precious memories. Fly high Buddie. x
Minerva says
October 10, 2019 at 6:59 pmHi Joan,
Sending my deepest condolences to you and your family. May God keep and strengthen you. 2 Corinthians 5:6-8
Part of the scripture states: to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Be confident that you will see Rhys again.
Michelle Costello says
October 11, 2019 at 4:28 amSo so sorry joan and Liam for the loss of your beautiful boy rhys May he rest in peace with the angels you ar all in my prayers may God give you the strength to get true this very sad time ♥️
Michelle McCartin says
October 11, 2019 at 5:01 pmWe are just heartbroken. Fly high our miracle! ❤? xxx
Catriona Curristan says
October 12, 2019 at 4:54 amDear Liam & Joan,
My deepest sympathy goes out to all of you and your extended family, during this very sad time. While I never had the pleasure of meeting your son Rhys, my Mum would pray and light candles for him all the time out in Killymard, when his grandfather (Philip) would tell her about upcoming surgeries. May he be at peace now and safely in the hands of the man above. Love to all Kitty
Anna Marie Heron says
October 13, 2019 at 4:37 pmWe are so sorry for Rhys sad passing. RIP.Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
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